Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Top 10 New Year's Resolutions
1. Spend More Time with Family & Friends
Recent polls conducted by General Nutrition Centers, Quicken, and others shows that more than 50% of Americans vow to appreciate loved ones and spend more time with family and friends this year. Make plans to meet up with friends for an evening of comaraderie at a favorite Pittsburgh restaurant or take the family to one of these popular Pittsburgh places for family fun. Work shouldn't always come first!
2. Fit in Fitness
The evidence is in for fitness. Regular exercise has been associated with more health benefits than anything else known to man. Studies show that it reduces the risk of some cancers, increases longevity, helps achieve and maintain weight loss, enhances mood, lowers blood pressure, and even improves arthritis. In short, exercise keeps you healthy and makes you look and feel better. Why not make this the time to start getting in shape for one of these popular Pittsburgh Area Charity Walks, Runs or Rides?
3. Tame the Bulge
Over 66 percent of adult Americans are considered overweight or obese by recent studies, so it is not surprising to find that weight loss is one of the most popular New Year's resolutions. Setting reasonable goals and staying focused are the two most important factors in sticking with a weight loss program, and the key to success for those millions of Americans who made a New Year's commitment to shed extra pounds.
4. Quit Smoking
If you have resolved to make this the year that you stamp out your smoking habit, over-the-counter availability of nicotine replacement therapy now provides easier access to proven quit-smoking aids. Even if you've tried to quit before and failed, don't let it get you down. On average, smokers try about four times before they quit for good. Start enjoying the rest of your smoke-free life! Even Allegheny County is trying to go smoke-free, and it's taken them a few tries as well. Locally, there are a variety of free support services, hotlines and smoking cessation classes to help you kick the smoking habit.
5. Enjoy Life More
Given the hectic, stressful lifestyles of millions of Americans, it is no wonder that "enjoying life more" has become a popular resolution in recent years. It's an important step to a happier and healthier you! Consider one of Pittsburgh's holistic healing centers for products designed to bring balance to your body, mind and soul. Or just get out and try something new! Take up a new hobby or try your hand at skiing. Go to a theater performance, or head to the local spa. Pittsburgh offers a wealth of artistic and recreational activities to meet just about anyone's wishes.
6. Quit Drinking
While many people use the New Year as an incentive to finally stop drinking, most are not equipped to make such a drastic lifestyle change all at once. Many heavy drinkers fail to quit cold turkey but do much better when they taper gradually, or even learn to moderate their drinking. If you have decided that you want to stop drinking, there is a world of help and support available. Pittsburgh Alcoholics Anonymous offers meetings throughout the greater Pittsburgh area. There is also a Pittsburgh group for Parents of Teenage Alcohol and Drug Abusers. There are also a number of treatment-based programs, as well as support groups for families of alcoholics.
7. Get Out of Debt
Was money a big source of stress in your life last year? Join the millions of Americans who have resolved to spend this year getting a handle on their finances. It's a promise that will repay itself many times over in the year ahead.
8. Learn Something New
Have you vowed to make this year the year to learn something new? Perhaps you are considering a career change, want to learn a new language, or just how to fix your computer? Whether you take a course or read a book, you'll find education to be one of the easiest, most motivating New Year's resolutions to keep. The Community College of Allegheny County offers a wide variety of "lifelong learning" courses, and local YMCA's offer great recreational training for beginners of all ages. Most local colleges and universities offer distance and adult education programs. Or if the arts are more your thing, places such as the Carnegie Museum of Art and the Pittsburgh Center for the Arts offer adult studio classes.
9. Help Others
A popular, non-selfish New Year's resolution, volunteerism can take many forms. Whether you choose to spend time helping out at your local library, mentoring a child, or building a house, there are many nonprofit volunteer organizations that could really use your help. The Pittsburgh Cares organization makes it easy by connecting volunteers with projects to fit practically any schedule. Or if your time is really in short supply, maybe you can at least find it in you to donate the furniture, clothing and other household items that you no longer need, rather than leaving them out by the curb to fill up our landfills.
10. Get Organized
On just about every New Year resolution top ten list, organization can be a very reasonable goal. Whether you want your home organized enough that you can invite someone over on a whim, or your office organized enough that you can find the stapler when you need it, these tips and resources should get you started on the way to a more organized life. Pittsburgh has quite a few professional organizers who can help you reduce the clutter in your life and find peace in your home. Professional Pittsburgh organizer Patty Kreamer even offers a a six-month But I Might Need it Somday! ecourse.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXO
by Albrecht Powell [from about.com]Labels: articles
Monday, September 01, 2008
Last Straw
I am tired of writing about you. I am tired of reading the same regretful lines, the same sad story over and over again. I hate the fact that you make a hopeless romantic sucker out of me. I hate you for making me regret things even if it all happened five years ago. I am stuck in a deep rut because of you. I hate you more for making me hope and making me wait for you to come back so we can start all over again.
I am so stupid for believing that somehow, you still feel the same about me. If you really want me back, you should have come for me a long time ago. I was a fool for believing only the things I want to see. I was a fool for nurturing the memories and keeping it alive deep within my heart for five years.
I should have known this before—you’re a big coward, a big baby who doesn’t want to grow up. You wasted your time whining and complaining about your life when you already have so much. You masked your fear and cowardice perfectly well. I told myself that your spoiled-brat attitude is a mere manifestation of creative angst, that you’ll get over it in a few years and you’ll make it big someday.
Five years has passed. Our lives have changed so much, but not my feelings. Not my goddamn feelings. I’m still in love with the angst-ridden boy I met five years ago. I am still in love with the fact that once in my life, somebody loved me the way you did; that I once hurt for someone as much as I did for you.
But you know what, life has finally slapped me awake. You’re totally over me—that I should accept. I am no longer you’re true north; I no longer make you feel as if the stars and the moon exist because of the two of us; I no longer make you feel as if you could fight the world weaponless for me. I am no longer “the one”.
Letting go and moving on for real has never felt this sad and liberating. Admittedly, you’ll always have that softest spot in my heart. No one can ever take your place. I’m quite sure that I’ll never fall in love with somebody the way I fell for you. But that’s okay. Maybe when my life is over, I’d look back and smile at the memories I lovingly preserved deep inside my stupid, young heart. Maybe I wont shed a single tear anymore, and maybe, just maybe, I’ll thank the heavens above for enlightening me and making me understand that it has never been us and there will never be us in this lifetime.
Goodbye my friend. Now I’m convinced that I was never your soulmate, that I was never for you. Maybe somebody out there is waiting for me. Or maybe not. Nevertheless, life should be more than regrets and tears or waiting for something that will never come.
Goodbye Andrei. And thank you for the memories.
XOXOXOXOXOXO
by ishda [from peyups]Labels: articles
a.o.u.i.e. scribbled this @
2:30 PM
Friday, January 25, 2008
Everything but A Ring
She gave up on love a long time ago, that much I know.
Before, when she thought she was in love, she would come to me and tell me about the new man in her life. She told me time and time again that this would be the man who would take her away, the man who would do everything to make her happy. I only listened. Her eyes would sparkle with every word, and her cheeks would blush with every positive thought, every chunk of her imagination that now seemed within reach. She would giggle and tell me that she would not forget about me. Then, just weeks later, she would be packing her bags, and she would be off to some exotic destination.
But then she always came back crying, and she came back with less enthusiasm than what she had whenever she left. This is it, she would tell me. This is the last time. But then she would find someone again who would eventually leave her.
I've wondered why so many times. There was nothing wrong with her in my opinion - she had a beauty that shined more when you stared at her longer. She had a good, innocent heart, very childlike and yet containing a deep sense of maturity as well. She was charming and could sweep anyone off their feet without exerting much effort. But somehow, she keeps on falling in love with the wrong men.
They were all the same, the men she fell in love with. They were willing to give her the world, and being a young woman, what else could be more romantic? They bought her everything she asked for, and she pleased them. Yet they would end up leaving her in the end, either because they have already had their fun or because their wives found out about her.
She would always come back looking much older than she was when she left. But though she may be shedding tears and nursing fears, inside these things only made her stronger. She would go back to the world a rejuvenated person with new hope in her. Then the same thing would happen, and once again, she would close her heart off from the rest of the world.
The last time she returned, she told me she had given up on love already. She was tired, she said. The last man had done enough damage to her to last for a lifetime. That was what she told me. Indeed he had changed her life drastically. He was a single man who only wanted companionship, and she, being the innocent lady that she is, had mistaken this desire for companionship for love and passion. Indeed the passion led to their pleasure, and he left her with child. When he found out, he told her that he was willing to support her and their child, and he was willing to give anything that she asked for as long as she does not ask him to marry her. He told her he only wanted companionship, and he was not ready to settle down. When she heard this, it served as the last straw for her, and so she came home and told everyone that she was giving up on love.
Now there was a man who was constantly at her side whenever she would get her heart broken. He would always let her cry on his shoulder and tell her that things would be fine. He even offered to take responsibility for the child that she bore from the last failed relationship. For some reason that I do not know, she would not do as much as consider having this man in her life. I had dared ask her only once, and she just shrugged her shoulders in confusion and bewilderment. Maybe it was because she was still jaded when I asked, but I will never know. Anyway, he was always there, and one day he presented her with the one thing that she had always wanted - a ring.
"If you're doing that because you feel sorry for me, then just forget it," was what she answered. She let him go thinking he did not deserve her. But he refused to marry because he was waiting for her. Years later she would take him for her husband and live in utter bliss.
She gave up on love a long time ago. But then love had different plans. Love would not give up on her, and in the end it was worth the long wait.
XOXOXOXOXOXO
by ishgumberry [from peyups]
there is hope after all...
Labels: articles
a.o.u.i.e. scribbled this @
9:48 PM
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
Last Straw
I am tired of writing about you. I am tired of reading the same regretful lines, the same sad story over and over again. I hate the fact that you make a hopeless romantic sucker out of me. I hate you for making me regret things even if it all happened five years ago. I am stuck in a deep rut because of you. I hate you more for making me hope and making me wait for you to come back so we can start all over again.
I am so stupid for believing that somehow, you still feel the same about me. If you really want me back, you should have come for me a long time ago. I was a fool for believing only the things I want to see. I was a fool for nurturing the memories and keeping it alive deep within my heart for five years.
I should have known this before—you’re a big coward, a big baby who doesn’t want to grow up. You wasted your time whining and complaining about your life when you already have so much. You masked your fear and cowardice perfectly well. I told myself that your spoiled-brat attitude is a mere manifestation of creative angst, that you’ll get over it in a few years and you’ll make it big someday.
Five years has passed. Our lives have changed so much, but not my feelings. Not my goddamn feelings. I’m still in love with the angst-ridden boy I met five years ago. I am still in love with the fact that once in my life, somebody loved me the way you did; that I once hurt for someone as much as I did for you.
But you know what, life has finally slapped me awake. You’re totally over me—that I should accept. I am no longer you’re true north; I no longer make you feel as if the stars and the moon exist because of the two of us; I no longer make you feel as if you could fight the world weaponless for me. I am no longer “the one”.
Letting go and moving on for real has never felt this sad and liberating. Admittedly, you’ll always have that softest spot in my heart. No one can ever take your place. I’m quite sure that I’ll never fall in love with somebody the way I fell for you. But that’s okay. Maybe when my life is over, I’d look back and smile at the memories I lovingly preserved deep inside my stupid, young heart. Maybe I wont shed a single tear anymore, and maybe, just maybe, I’ll thank the heavens above for enlightening me and making me understand that it has never been us and there will never be us in this lifetime.
Goodbye my friend. Now I’m convinced that I was never your soulmate, that I was never for you. Maybe somebody out there is waiting for me. Or maybe not. Nevertheless, life should be more than regrets and tears or waiting for something that will never come.
Goodbye Andrei. And thank you for the memories.
XOXOXOXOXOXO
by ishda [from peyups]Labels: articles
a.o.u.i.e. scribbled this @
2:30 PM
Sunday, June 24, 2007
A Sad Story
It's like you were given a seed of the rarest and most beautiful plant in the world. You tell yourself that it's something good and you're going to take good care of it. However, you plant it in soil that caused it to grow at a very slow pace. Concerned and a bit impatient, you over-fertilize it and over-water it. As a result, the plant reacted negatively, growing into itself instead. You then realize that before planting the seed you should have researched on the proper way to plant it and care for it. You try to save the plant but having grown into itself; you couldn't find it even in the place where you know you planted it. After awhile when you've forgotten about the plant, it suddenly springs up at a place in your house where it shouldn't be. And regardless of how beautiful the plant is, you think that the plant shouldn't be where it is because there's no room for it there - that it doesn't belong there anymore or anywhere in your house for that matter.
It's sad that when you wanted it, when it would have fit perfectly in your life, you do something and it disappears on you. And just when you've moved on and distanced yourself from it, that's when it comes back. And even sadder is that no matter how beautiful and precious you still think it is, there's no room in your life for it anymore.
XOXOXOXOXOXO
by anonymous
as told by sandy
Labels: articles
a.o.u.i.e. scribbled this @
1:50 AM
Saturday, February 03, 2007
Every Woman...
Every Woman Should Have...
...one old love she can imagine going back to and one who reminds her how far she has come;
...enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own, even if she never wants to or needs to;
...something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour;
...a youth she's content to leave behind;
...a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age;
...the realization that she is actually going to have an old age and some money set aside to fund it;
...a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra;
...one friend who always makes her laugh, and one who lets her cry;
...a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family;
...eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored;
...a resume that is not even in the slightest bit padded;
...a feeling of control over her destiny;
...a skin care regimen, an exercise routine, and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don't get better after 30;
...a solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship, and all those other facets of life that do get better after 30;
Every Woman Should Know...
...how to fall in love without losing herself;
...how she feels about having kids;
...how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship;
...when to try harder and when to walk away;
...how to have a good time at a party she'd never choose to attend;
...how to ask for what she wants in a way that makes it most likely she'll get it;
...that she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents;
...that her childhood may not have been perfect but it's over;
...what she would and wouldn't do for love;
...how to live alone, even if she doesn't like it;
...whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally;
...where to go, be it to her best friend's kitchen table or a charming inn in the woods;
...when her soul needs soothing;
...what she can and can't accomplish in a day, a month, and a year.
XOXOXOXOXOXO
by anonymousLabels: articles
a.o.u.i.e. scribbled this @
9:37 PM
Thursday, January 25, 2007
What True Love Is...
My boyfriend and I lived together for years and he is an Engineer by profession. I love him for his steady nature and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders.
Three months of courtship and now, two years engaged, I would have to admit that I am getting tired of it. My reasons for loving him has now become the cause of my restlessness. I am sentimental and extremely sensitive when it comes to relationships and to my feelings. I yearn for romantic moments like a little girl yearns for candy. My boyfriend is my complete opposite - his lack of sensitivity and his inability to bring romantic moments into our relationship has disheartened me about love. One day, I finally decided to tell him that I wanted to break up with him. "Why?" he asked, shocked. "I am tired, there are no reasons for everything in the world!" I answered.
He kept silent the whole night, deep in thought with a lighted cigarette.
My feeling of disappointment only increased; here was a man who can't even express his predicament, what else can I hope from him? Finally he asked me, "What can I do to change your mind?" Somebody said it's hard to change someone's personality and I guess I started losing faith in him.
Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered, "Here is a question. If you can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind. Let's say, I want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff and we both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death, will you do it for me?"
He said, "I will give you your answer tomorrow..."
My hopes just sank by listening to his response.
I woke up the next morning to find him gone and saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting underneath a milk glass on the dining table near the front door that goes...
My dear,
I would not pick that flower for you, but please allow me to explain the reasons further.
This first line was already breaking my heart but I continued reading.
When you use the computer you always mess up the software programs and you cry in front of the monitor, I have to save my fingers so I can help restore the programs.
You always leave the house keys behind thus I have to save my legs to rush home and open the door for you.
You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city; I have to save my eyes to show you the way.
You always have the cramps whenever your "good friend" approaches every month - I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your tummy.
You like to stay indoors and I worry that you will be infected by infantile autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom.
You always stare at the computer and that will not do any good for your eyes. I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old I can help to clip your nails and help remove those annoying white hairs. So I can also hold your hand while strolling down the beach as you enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sand...and tell you the color of flowers, just like the color of the glow on your young face...
Thus my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do... I could not pick that flower yet and die.
My tears fell on the letter and blurred the ink of his handwriting. And as I continued reading...
Now that you have finished reading my answer and if you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favorite bread and fresh milk...
I rushed to pull open the door and saw his anxious face tightly clutching with his hands the milk bottle and loaf of bread...
Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he does and I have decided to leave the flower alone...
That's life and that's love. When one is surrounded by love the feeling of excitement fades away and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace and dullness.
Love shows up in all forms, even very small and cheeky forms, it has never been a model; it could be the dullest and boring form. Flowers and romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love stands...and that's our life...Love not words win arguments...
XOXOXOXOXOXO
by anonymousLabels: articles
a.o.u.i.e. scribbled this @
5:06 AM
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Love Your Job but Never Fall in Love with Your Company
I got this from a friend of a friend's multiply blog. It's a good read as well as a good reminder to us lowly workaholic corporate slaves. It's an excerpt from Mr. Narayana Murthy’s speech during a Mentor Session.
Mr. Narayana Murthy is the CEO of a premier IT company in India. He is one of the top 50 influential people in Asia according to the Asiaweek publication. Mr. Murthy is also the new IT advisor to the Thai Prime Minister.
Love Your Job but Never Fall in Love with Your Company because You'll Never Know when Your Company will Stop Loving You
I know people who work 12 hours a day, six days a week, or more. Some people do so because of a work emergency where the long hours are only temporary. Other people I know have put in these hours for years. I don’t know if they are working all these hours, but I do know that they are in the office this long.
Others put in long office hours because they are addicted to the workplace. Whatever the reason for putting in overtime, working long hours over the long term is harmful to the person and to the organization. There are things a manager can do to change this for everyone’s benefit.
Being in the office for long hours, over long periods of time, makes way for potential errors. My colleagues who are in the office long hours frequently make mistakes caused by fatigue. Correcting these mistakes requires their time as well as the time and energy of others. I have seen people work Tuesday through Friday to correct mistakes made after 5pm on Monday.
Another problem is that people who are in the office long hours are not pleasant company. They often complain about other people (who aren’t working as hard); they are irritable, or cranky or even angry. Other people avoid them. Such behavior poses problems, where work goes much better when people work together instead of avoiding one another. As managers, there are things we can do to help people leave the office.
First and foremost is to set the example and go home ourselves. I work with a manager who chides people for working long hours. His words quickly lose their meaning when he sends these chiding group emails with a time-stamp of 2am. Sunday.
Second is to encourage people to put some balance in their lives. For instance, here is a guideline I find helpful:
1. Wake up, eat a good breakfast and go to work.
2. Work hard and smart for eight or nine hours.
3. Go home.
4. Read books/comics, watch a funny movie, dig in the dirt, play with your kids, etc.
5. Eat well and sleep well.
This is called recreating. Doing steps 1, 3, 4, and 5 enable 2. Working regular hours and recreating daily are simple concepts. They are hard for some of us because that requires ‘personal change.’ They are possible since we all have the power to choose to do them. In considering the issue of overtime, I am reminded of my oldest son. When he was a toddler, if people were visiting the apartment, he would not fall asleep no matter how long the visit, and no matter what time of the day it was. He would fight off sleep until the visitors left. It was as if he was afraid that he would miss something. Once our visitor’s left, he would go to sleep. By this time, however, he was overtired and would scream half the night with nightmares. He, my wife, and I, all paid the price for his fear of missing out. Perhaps some people put in such long hours because they don’t want to miss anything when they leave the office. The trouble with this is that events will never stop happening. That is life. Things happen 24 hours a day. Allowing for little rest is not ultimately practical. Things will happen while you’re asleep, but you will have the energy to catch up when you wake up.
Hence, love your job but never fall in love with your company.
XOXOXOXOXOXO
by Narayana MurthyLabels: articles, work-related
a.o.u.i.e. scribbled this @
2:42 PM
Saturday, October 28, 2006
A Message in a Bottle
My heart may not be full, my life may not be perfect, and my mind may not be clear. However, my soul remembers the one who taught me about real love, happiness, and contentment. The soul remembers the one who looked inside of me and saw who I was on the inside instead of just the outside. The soul remembers the one who taught me what romance really means. The soul remembers the one who saw the goodness inside my heart for others. The soul remembers the one who would leave special notes around for me to find. The soul remembers the look in his eyes when we would see each other. The soul remembers the feel of his heartbeat when we hugged. The soul remembers the feel of his hand when he would touch my face. The soul remembers the feel of his gentle kiss. The soul remembers the sound of his voice when he sang our song. The soul remembers how it felt when he would wrap his arms around me. The soul remembers him, always...
All the love in my heart, I give to you. Always.
XOXOXOXOXOXO
by anonymous
i found this while surfing the net a few months ago. it was blogged under the title: "What Would You Write If You Could Write A Message In A Bottle?" - here's mine...Labels: articles
a.o.u.i.e. scribbled this @
7:52 AM
Friday, May 12, 2006
The Missing Piece
This is a fairy tale for adults. It tells the story of a circle that was missing a piece. A large triangular wedge had been cut out of it.
The circle wanted to be whole with nothing missing, so it went around looking for it's missing piece. But because it was incomplete and therefore could only roll very slowly, it admired the flowers along the way. It chatted with worms. It enjoyed the sunshine. It found lots of different pieces, but none of them fit. So it left them all by the side of the road and continued searching.
Then one day the circle found a piece that fit perfectly. It was so happy. Now it could be whole, with nothing missing. It was incorporated the missing piece into itself and began to roll. Now that it was a perfect circle, it could roll very fast, too fast to notice the flowers or talk to the worms.
When it realized how different the world seemed when it rolled so quickly by, it stopped, left its found piece by the side of the road and rolled slowly away.
Moral of the story
In some strange sense we are more whole when we are missing something. The man who has everything is in some ways a poor man. He will never know what it feels like to yearn, to hope, to nourish his soul with the dream of something better. He will never know the experience of having someone who loves him give him something he has always wanted and never had.
There is a wholeness about the person who has to come to terms with his own limitations, who has been brave enough to let go of his unrealistic dreams and not feel like a failure for doing so. There is a wholeness about the man or woman who has learned that he or she is strong enough to go through a tragedy and survive, who can lose someone and still feel like a complete person. You have been through the worst and come through intact.
Life like a baseball season, where even the best team loses one-third of the games and even the worst has its days of brilliance. Our goal is to win more games than we lose.
When we accept that imperfection is part of human being, and that we can continue rolling through life and appreciating it, we will achieved a wholeness that others can only aspire to.
And at the end, if we are brave enough to love, strong enough to forgive, generous enough to rejoice in another's happiness, and wise enough to know there is enough love to go around for us all, then we can achieve a fulfillment that no other living creature will ever know.
XOXOXOXOXOXO
by anonymous
are you my missing piece? am i better off without you? *sigh* i just wish i knew the answers...anyway, thanks for keeping me sane...Labels: articles, snapshots
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Message in a Bottle
[the reply]
My Darling,
One year has passed since I sat with your father in the kitchen. It is late at night and though the words are coming hard to me, I can't escape the feeling that it's time that I finally answer your question.
Of course I forgive you. I forgive you now, and I forgave you the moment I read your letter. In my heart, I had no other choice. Leaving you once was hard enough; to have done it a second time would have been impossible. I loved you too much to have let you go again. Though I'm still grieving over what might have been, I find myself thankful that you came into my life for even a short period of time. In the beginning, I'd assumed that we were somehow brought together to help you through your time of grief. Yet now, one year later, I've come to believe that it was the other way around. Ironically, I am in the same position you were, the first time we met.
As I write, I am struggling with the ghost of someone I loved and lost. I now understand more fully the difficulties you were going through, and I realize how painful it must have been for you to move on. Sometimes my grief is overwhelming, and even though I understand that we will never see each other again, there is a part of me that wants to hold on to you forever. It would be easy for me to do that because loving someone else might diminish my memories of you. Yet, this is the paradox: Even though I miss you greatly, it's because of you that I don't dread the future.
Because you were able to fall in love with me, you have given me hope, my darling. You taught me that it's possible to move forward in life, no matter how terrible your grief. And in your own way, you've made me believe that true love cannot be denied. Right now, I don't think I'm ready, but this is my choice. Do not blame yourself. Because of you, I am hopeful that there will come a day when my sadness is replaced by something beautiful. Because of you, I have the strength to go on.
I don't know if spirits do indeed roam the world, but even if they do, I will sense your presence everywhere. When I listen to the ocean, it will be your whispers; when I see a dazzling sunset, it will be your image in the sky. You are not gone forever, no matter who comes into my life. You are standing with God, alongside my soul, helping to guide me toward a future that I cannot predict.
This is not a good-bye, my darling, this is a thank-you. Thank you for coming into my life and giving me joy, thank you for loving me and receiving my love in return. Thank you for the memories I will cherish forever. But most of all, thank you for showing me that there will come a time when I can eventually let you go.
I love you, T
XOXOXOXOXOXO
from the movie, Message in a BottleLabels: articles
a.o.u.i.e. scribbled this @
6:40 PM
Message in a Bottle
Dear Theresa,
Can you forgive me?
In a world that I seldom understand, there are winds of destiny that blow when we least expect them. Sometimes they gust with the fury of a hurricane, sometimes they barely fan one's cheek. But the winds cannot be denied, bringing as they often do a future that is impossible to ignore. You, my darling, are the wind that I did not anticipate, the wind that has gusted more strongly than I ever imagined possible. You are my destiny.
I was wrong, so wrong, to ignore what was obvious, and I beg your forgiveness. Like a cautious traveler, I tried to protect myself from the wind and lost my soul instead. I was a fool to ignore my destiny, but even fools have feelings, and I've come to realize that you are the most important thing that I have in this world. I know I am not perfect. I've made more mistakes in the past few months than some make in a lifetime.
I was wrong to have acted as I did when I found the letters, just as I was wrong to hide the truth about what I was going through with respect to my past. When I chased you as you drove down the street and again as I watched you leave from the airport, I knew I should have tried harder to stop you. But most of all, I was wrong to deny what was obvious in my heart: that I can't go on without you.
You were right about everything.
When we sat in my kitchen, I tried to deny the things you were saying, even though I knew they were true. Like a man who gazes only backward on a trip across the country, I ignored what lay ahead. I missed the beauty of a coming sunrise, the wonder of anticipation that makes life worthwhile. It was wrong of me to do that, a product of my confusion, and I wish I had come to understand that sooner. Now, though, with my gaze fixed toward the future, I see your face and hear your voice, certain that this is the path I must follow.
It is my deepest wish that you give me one more chance. As you might have guessed, I'm hoping that this bottle will work its magic, as it did once before, and somehow bring us back together. For the first few days after you left, I wanted to believe that I could go on as I always had. But I couldn't. Every time I watched the sun go down, I thought of you. Every time I walked by the phone, I yearned to call. Even when I went sailing, I could only think of you and the wonderful times we had. I knew in my heart that my life would never be the same again. I wanted you back, more than I imagined possible, yet whenever I conjured you up, I kept hearing your words in our last conversation. No matter how much I loved you, I knew it wasn't going to be possible unless we - both of us - were sure I would devote myself fully to the path that lay ahead. I continued to be troubled by these thoughts until late last night when the answer finally came to me. Hopefully, after I tell you about it, it will mean as much to you as it did to me:
In my dream, I saw myself on the beach with Catherine, in the same spot I took you after our lunch at Hank's. It was bright in the sun, the rays reflecting brilliantly off the sand. As we walked alongside each other, she listened intently as I told her about you, about us, about the wonderful times we shared. Finally, after some hesitation, I admitted that I loved you, but that I felt guilty about it. She said nothing right away but simply kept walking until she finally turned to me and asked, "Why?" "Because of you." Upon hearing my answer, she smiled at me with patient amusement, the way she used to before she died. "Oh, Garrett," she finally said as she gently touched my face, "who do you think it was that brought the bottle to her?"
When I woke, I felt empty and alone. The dream did not comfort me. Rather, it made me ache inside because of what I had done to us, and I began to cry. When I finally pulled myself together, I knew what I had to do. With shaking hand, I wrote two letters: the one you're holding in your hand right now, and one to Catherine, in which I finally said my good-bye. Today, I'm taking Happenstance out to send it to her, as I have with all the others. It will be my last letter - Catherine, in her own way, has told me to go on, and I have chosen to listen. Not only to her words, but also to the leanings of my heart that led me back to you.
Oh, Theresa, I am sorry, so very sorry, that I ever hurt you. I am coming to Boston next week with the hope that you find a way to forgive me. Maybe I'm too late now. I don't know. Theresa, I love you and always will. I am tired of being alone. I see children crying and laughing as they play in the sand, and I realize I want to have children with you. I want to watch Kevin as he grows into a man. I want to hold your hand and see you cry when he finally takes a bride, I want to kiss you when his dreams come true. I will move to Boston if you ask because I cannot go on this way. I am sick and sad without you.
As I sit here in the kitchen, I am praying that you will let me come back to you, this time forever.
Garrett
XOXOXOXOXOXO
from the movie, Message in a BottleLabels: articles
a.o.u.i.e. scribbled this @
4:40 PM
Friday, March 17, 2006
Closing Cycles
One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.
Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.
Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents' house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden?
You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell yourself you won't take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that.
But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.
None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has passed will not return: we cannot forever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back.
Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away. That is why it is so important (however painful it maybe!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.
Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return; do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.
Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the ideal moment. Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person. Nothing is irreplaceable. A habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.
Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.
Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.
XOXOXOXOXOXO
by Paolo Coelho
the other day, while i was listening to some officemates discuss about guilt feelings regarding ex-boyfriends, i remember telling them that it's not their fault if those ex-boyfriends continued pining away for them even years after their respective relationships have ended. it's an individual's choice how far and how deep to allow a heartbreak to run, right?
i know this because i have made my choice to keep loving someone who will never quite love me in the same way i love him. it's not his fault that i'm still here waiting - i never held those three and a half years against him nor did i ever throw it in his face. i can't say i'm really happy with where i am in my life right now, but staying here is my choice...Labels: articles, random ramblings
a.o.u.i.e. scribbled this @
6:30 PM
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
A Lesson in Goodbye
It was such a beautiful beginning for a love that would never be fulfilled.
We started innocently enough - as friends. We talked day and night, exchanging witticisms and amusing comments on the ironies of life. You stimulated my interest, and pretty soon, you captured my heart. I used to laugh at couples who couldn't get enough of each other, when I suddenly found myself reluctant to say good night after spending the whole day with you. I couldn't sleep, wondering why tomorrow was taking so long. It was never like that for me before...
I had to laugh at the irony of it all. I used to dream of a Prince Charming who would sweep me off my feet in a dazzling romance, but there I was - in love with a guy who, for all his eloquence, barely knew how to tell me he loved me. Didn't you know? Each time you smiled, you were winning my trust. And every time you held my hand, you were touching my heart. In your arms, I was in danger of falling deeper, yet I knew I couldn't be more secure. You reached me in a way nobody else has before, and you gave me faith in things I've never had the courage to believe.
Still, I held back. What we had was wonderful, and it was so perfect, so absolutely perfect, that I was afraid to believe it could last forever. You asked me to stay, and I longed to say yes, but something was calling me to find another path, to discover what my dreams could become, to explore everything that I could be. I longed for adventure, for experience, for knowledge. Please understand that I loved you, but I couldn't give you my self without fully knowing who I was. I had to be certain I was the person you believed me to be.
And so I left to study in a world entirely different from ours. You came to say goodbye, and I couldn't bring myself to ask you to wait. How could I possibly tie you down after you had set me free?
And now, I return. I've learned enough to realize that what I had with you was love. And every time I look into your eyes, I know that I have lost it. What I haven't learned is how to stop loving you, and how to stop hurting because somebody else is spending forever in your embrace. You were the first to touch my heart, the first to win my trust, and the only one who could make eternity come true for me. You were also the first to show me how painful love can be, how it hurts, and how the wounds it caused will never truly heal.
I'm sorry. I do not regret that I left; only that I hurt you, and that I couldn't make you wait. Try to forgive me, and try to forget. Let me be the one who remembers, the one who keeps the memories alive. They are more than memories to me now, they are souvenirs of a love I know I will never again experience.
I am leaving again soon. Perhaps in my search of where I belong I will discover happiness. And perhaps this time, I will find the reason and the courage to stay.
XOXOXOXOXOXO
by garnet_fire [from peyups]Labels: articles
a.o.u.i.e. scribbled this @
6:44 AM
Friday, February 24, 2006
Why Do I Love Him?
Why do I love him?
Tough question. I don't even know how or where to begin. I'm not sure if I could possibly find the right words to express what or how much I feel for him, let alone explain why I love him. I don't believe the English language has all the words I would need.
Why do I love him?
I guess I just do. I love him just because. I love him just because that's the most natural and possible thing to do.
I love him.
I love him because he's the most incredible, wonderful, amazing and fantastic guy I have ever known in my entire life. I love him because he's sweet, charming, smart, witty, and has a great sense of humor. I love him because he's so cool he's hot.
I love him because he makes me smile. I love him because he makes me laugh. I love him because he makes me happy. I love him because he's the one and only guy who has ever made it through my wall and seen right through my mask. I love him because he accepts the real me, imperfections and all, and still appreciates me for who I am.
I love him for being my friend. I love him because I could be whatever I want to be in front of him. I love him because we could talk about anything and everything under the sun.
I love him because I feel safe when I am with him. I love him because we are comfortable with each other. I love him for giving me a helping hand when I had to pick myself up, but couldn't. I love him for offering his shoulder for me to lean on to when I had to be strong, but wasn't.
I love him for telling me not to drink too much alcohol, then pretending to be mad at me when I did drink too much. I love him for telling me not to stay up too late at night because it wasn't good for my health. I love him for texting and sending me sweet and mushy messages. I love him for those times when he would call or text me just when I was thinking of calling or texting him, when I was feeling down, or when I was missing him, like he has gone psychic all of a sudden.
I love him for the kilig moments we had. I love him for always making me feel better, about myself and life in general. I love him for making me feel special. I love him for making me feel loved. But most of all, I love him for making me feel. I love him for making me realize that I am capable of feeling this way and this much for someone. I love him for making me feel alive.
So, why do I love him?
I love him because he's all of these and more. So much more. I love him because he's everything. He's everything...but mine.
XOXOXOXOXOXO
by babyanne [from peyups]
for him whom i love with all my heart - i love you without knowing exactly why i do or until when i'd keep doing so...it hasn't been an easy journey and even though i know you don't love me in the same way that i love you, i'm still thankful we crossed paths when we did... Labels: articles
a.o.u.i.e. scribbled this @
1:40 AM
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Of Missent Messages and Transcription Boxes
What is it with you?
You're not that exceptional, not that special, not that good looking. You don't stand out, and you don't have a particularly endearing trait. Why is it though that waving your hand is enough to make me all Jell-o like inside?
Darn it.
Yeah, yeah, it feels great in a sappy, romantic kind of way, but hey, isn't it crappy that I've been holding this torch for an extremely long time and still, nothing seems to be happening between the two of us?
You do something really nice, and I say to myself, 'Yep, he likes you back.' Here it is. The universe is saying he likes you back!? My uniform seems so much whiter, my classmates seem so much nicer, the lectures a bit livelier, and Anatomy dissection a bit more bearable. I think rosier thoughts, act all giggly and goofy, and I start doing those weird things peculiar to people who are in love and who think their objects of affection loves them back.
And then weeks follow of not even hearing the tiniest peep out of you. What am I supposed to think?
I then start convincing myself that it's fruitless, stop doing those silly things, settle with someone else who likes you back, and don't even think about having a future relationship with this schmuck of a guy.
But then you call and say something really cute again, you see me and do something really sweet again and wham! The old feeling is back again like an unwanted houseguest.
And then I start acting silly and doing those weird things all over again.
Please be honest with me. I would really like to know if you do like me back. I am really getting sick of this feeling whenever you so deign to notice me when in fact, I'm just wasting my time. I do not want to feel, act, and think this way anymore when there is actually no future to be thought of between the two of us.
I've had it with pretending that each text I send you is 'missent', and that every senseless forwarded message I send you I also send to everybody else in my phonebook. I don't want to feel uncomfortable when I'm around you, all giggly when you so much as say one word to me, and feel so happy when you call out of the blue or reply to one of my senseless forwards and so-called missent messages.
I'm done with not knowing what exactly to say when you talk to me and feeling embarrassed when I make a fool of myself in front of you. I'm tired of blushing every time you catch me staring at you, and making up excuses when I bump into you.
I'm tired of doodling your name in my notebook, wondering whether we'll have 2, 4, or 10 kids, whether you'd agree to get married on the beach, and whether we'll live here in Manila or in some far off province. I'm tired of going to canned romantic movies and wishing that I was as busy as that couple in the back row, tired of trying not to look at couples publicly displaying their affection in jeepneys, buses, at the MRT, and at the back row of BSLR East, tired of always going home alone with no one to accompany me.
I don't want to watch the sunset at Manila Bay alone anymore, wishing it was you sitting next to me. I'm tired of pretending you mean nothing to me, that losing you to someone else would be inconsequential, that I couldn't care less if that girl beside you was your girlfriend.
I don't want to wake up in the morning with you on mind, looking for messages in my phone, wishing that you have somehow texted me during the night. I've had it with looking inside your classroom, wanting to catch at least a glimpse of you. I'm done with reading Pablo Neruda wishing those lines were being said to me by you.
I'm done with dreaming that you held my hand and said you liked me too, or that you held me in your arms and kissed me, or that you comforted me when I felt the world crumbling around me, or that you celebrated with me when I finally graduated from college. I don't want to hope anymore that you left a love letter in my transcription box, a bunch of flowers outside my door, or that you e-mailed me saying what I've wanted to hear from you for years.
I want to ask how you are without the words getting stuck in my throat.
I want to have an intelligent conversation with you without me saying something stupid.
I want to hold your hand and finally know what we really are to each other.
I want to take care of you, and share your troubles with you, when the world seems to be pulling you down.
I want to be with you and not wonder whether I'll see or hear from you again tomorrow, the day after that, a week after, a month from now, or years from now.
Don't leave me hoping when there is nothing to hope for.
Don't leave me wanting something that I can't really have.
Don't leave me dreaming of us when in reality there is only me, and only you.
Please. Be kind.
Tell me.
XOXOXOXOXOXO
by erendis [from peyups]Labels: articles
a.o.u.i.e. scribbled this @
9:52 AM
Saturday, February 11, 2006
Hindi na ko Iiyak
Ibinaba ko ang telepono at napaupo ako sa sahig. Pumikit ako. Parang biglang tumigil ang pag-ikot ng mundo ko. Hindi ko na namalayan nang tumulo ang mga luha mula sa aking mga mata.
Malinaw pa sa aking alaala noong unang beses akong umiyak dahil sa iyo. Pareho tayong pitong taong gulang. Sinabihan mo ako ng lampa at hindi na isinali sa ating magkakalaro. Sabi mo paano ako sasama sa mga laro eh hindi ako marunong mag-bike, mag-jumping rope, mag-jackstone. Hanggang grade 3 lang ako sa chinese garter, hindi ko rin magawa-gawa ang teddy bear at tsumatsamba lang ako sa 10-20. Hindi ko naman kasalanan na hindi talaga ako pisikal na tao. May asthma na ako mula nang ipinanganak ako kaya hindi ako masyadong pinapalabas ng mga magulang ko para maglaro.
Pangalawang beses ay nang malapit na tayong magtapos sa elementarya. Kinausap mo ako isang araw at sinabing hindi ako magiging valedictorian ayon sa ating adviser. Alam mo kung gaano kahalaga sa akin ang bagay na iyon. Limang taong sunud-sunod akong first honor, hindi pwedeng hindi ako ang maging valedictorian. Iniwan kita at umiyak ako sa banyo ng mga babae. Seryosong-seryoso ka kasi nung sinasabi mo yun kaya akala ko totoo. Niloloko mo lang pala ako, dahil nalaman mong ako na nga ang valedictorian.
Umiyak din ako nung JS Prom natin nung high school nang sinabi mo sa akin ang totoo na may ibang girlfriend ang ultimate crush ko. Sabi mo ayaw mo akong saktan pero kailangang sabihin mo ang totoo para mamulat ako sa katotohanan. Sabi mo pa, itigil ko na ang pag-iyak kasi nasisira ang make-up ko, sayang naman.
Nang sumunod, naiyak ako nang makita kitang umiiyak. Sabay tayong nagluksa sa pagkawala ng lolo mo. Sabay tayong hindi natulog nang kung ilang gabi para maglamay. Maghapon at magdamag ako sa burol, daig ko pa ang kamag-anak.
Matagal ding hindi mo ako pinaiyak. Hanggang ipinasya ng mga magulang mo na sa Amerika na kayo manirahan. Naaalala ko pa ang eksena sa airport. Kumawala ka mula sa pagkakayakap ko, hinawakan mo ang mukha ko, pinahid ng panyo ang mga luha at tumingin ka sa aking mga mata.
"Ipangako mo sa akin na ito na ang huling beses na iiyak ka dahil sa akin, ha?"
Umiling ako habang patuloy ang pagdaloy ng mga luha.
"Please, promise me," ang sabi mo habang pinipigilan ang mga luha mo.
"Okay, okay, I promise."
Nag-crash ang eroplanong sinasakyan nila. Kanina lang na-identify ang mga bangkay. Wala na siya.
Umiiyak na naman ako, hindi ako tumupad sa pangako.
XOXOXOXOXOXO
by jpaul [from peyups] Labels: articles
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
Busy
I work two jobs located a long way from each other. Almost everyday I sleep at 4am, and wake up only to have time for a quick shower. Then, I head off to work. People ask me, "how can you do it?" I ask myself how can I not?
I love being busy. I wasn't always like this, but nowadays being busy is all I have. Being busy gives me no time. No time to relax, no time to think, no time to stare at the walls and remember.
I seemed to have been functioning normally, until it all came to a swift end. He never said a word, I never saw him go, but in my heart I knew that that was already goodbye.
Am I brokenhearted? I don't know. Aren't people "brokenhearted" because they lost something or someone? I wonder if I can lose something that I never really had. What was it that we had anyway?
I'm a flexible person, but one thing I can not stand is prolonged ambiguity. And that is what we had...although it wasn't always like that.
Things happened much too fast that sometimes I wonder if I just dreamt it all. We were set up. We met. We dated. He asked me if it's okay if I don't date anybody else. So, I didn't. He said he wanted me to become his girlfriend. We kissed. He was my first kiss. It was a long, passionate evening. And then I had to go. I was gone for a while. When I came back, things had changed, but we kept on. We both had erratic schedules and a long list of priorities. We ran to too many directions too fast too often. In the end, we had nothing left.
I pause and look at the paragraph I just wrote. Funny how an entire year of adventure and then anguish could just be summarized in a couple of words. Funny how these words are supposed to embody everything we had. Or everything I had. Because now I am no longer sure if he and I had the same thing.
When things started getting sour, my friends told me that he was a jerk, and that I should move on. Silly me, I gave him a second chance.
So, we danced the same dance...only to find out that we were not waltzing on the same pace. I liked him enough to commit to making us work, so I adjusted my steps to meet his. Still, it didn't work. Now that I think of it, he might have been dancing a different dance altogether, and I was too blind to see.
I would hear from him, and then for weeks, he wouldn't call. Then, just when I would already wise up, just when I would be ready to give it all up and move on, he would resurface, and everything would be alright again. This became a cycle.
That fateful night, I got tired of it all. In not so many words, I expressed how I felt. Things were simply not working for us. For the past few months, he really wasn't there physically anymore. Worse, I felt that he wasn't even there emotionally.
Growing up, I learned that when it comes to men, one should never assume. In my naivette, however, I thought that if a guy tells me he likes me very, very much, I should believe him. When I think of it now, it is not doubtful that he didn't mean what he said, and I was simply a fool to believe him.
I couldn't put it in any better way than I did when I said goodbye to him in a dream: Mukhang hindi ka pa handang magmahal, at baka hindi pa kita kayang mahalin (Perhaps you are not yet ready to love, and perhaps I am unable to love you.).
Maybe we were just too different, and we wanted different things from a relationship.
During the final months, he gave very little, and took even less from what we had. I, in turn, gave too much and expected too much.
I remember a mantra I made for myself during one of those bitter nights when I got so frustrated with us. It says: "I will not be the girl you will settle for on horny nights when you need female companionship and your other friends wouldn't give you the time of your life. I will not be the girl you will settle for while trying to settle your issues with commitment and the other messy parts of your life. I will not settle for one-sided love. I will not be the girl you just settled for. I deserve to be loved and I will not settle for anything less."
The words came from deep within. Feelings that I tried to hide, but in recent times have come to acknowledge. I couldn't love for the both of us.
It was a simple ending. He didn't even talk back. His last gift to me was silence, a chance to walk away without any ugly scene to tarnish what few precious memories we had. So I picked up what little dignity I had left and went my own way.
Deep in my heart, I know that that silence is permanent. I know that I will never hear from him again.
Never is such a lonely word.
My friends say that it's his loss, not mine. But if they are right, and that in losing us he lost a lot more than I did, then why am I hurting this much?
Did I love him? I don't know. You tell me. I haven't had the time to figure that out yet.
Tomorrow is a rest day for most people, but that doesn't apply to me. My two jobs go on despite the holiday, and tomorrow is the busiest day of my week. But I don't mind.
Busy is fine. Nowadays, I just love being busy.
XOXOXOXOXOXO
by zeanjurek [from peyups]
sometimes i wish i too could be too busy to remember, and sometimes i wish i too would get tired enough to say goodbye and walk away...Labels: articles
a.o.u.i.e. scribbled this @
4:42 AM
Monday, August 29, 2005
Better
They were sitting on a bench. The cold night air blew kisses across the trees, to her lover in some far off land. The stars twinkled quietly, and one could hear the frogs croaking slowly. He sat on the right end, the bespectacled boy wearing the red shirt and brown pants. He was nursing a cup of coffee and a headache. The two beers and one cup of red wine in his system weren't helping either. She sat on the other end, the small girl wearing a black top and black and white skirt. She looked a bit harassed.
"So what happened back there?"
The boy closed his eyes and leaned back. He sighed as he felt tears squeeze through. It wasn't very noticeable with the glasses on.
"Your damn boyfriend got drunk. I don't know why. He's got no reason to get drunk. If anyone should have gotten drunk, it should have been me. Not him."
The girl stood up and went inside. It was two in the morning, and everyone else was either relaxing or sleeping. He could feel the warmth of the coffee in his hands. It was the only warmth in him he could feel.
He finished his coffee, went inside, and washed his hair and face. His eyes were bloodshot, his face was flushed, and yet his skin felt cold and hard.
The bespectacled boy went out to the living room with his friend. His friend wore a black shirt, black pants, and a goatee to the party. He had no alcohol in his system.
"What's the matter?"
Tears fell from the bespectacled boy's eyes. He hugged his legs and rocked himself. He was sobbing now, while the goateed friend's hand clasped his shoulder.
"Is it about her?"
The bespectacled boy looked at his friend. He was thankful that his friend was there.
"I love her. I am in love with her. But she will never care for me the same way that I care for her. She will never care."
Those words were enough for the goateed friend. He felt the pain in his friend's eyes. He knew that the bespectacled boy would not tell him anything else, not unless he says something. He cleared his throat.
"It's better to have love and lost -"
"Not when you love every morning, not when you think that this might be the day when she finally cares for you, when she finally sees you and loves you. Not when you think all this, only to have it all come crashing down, everything you expected destroyed at the end of the day. Not when you know that even though you felt all these things, all this pain and hurt, you will expect to feel the same way again tomorrow. That tomorrow you will love, and lose, her again. It's not better when you love, and you lose, every single day, and know that you will come back for more."
The bespectacled boy slumped himself on the floor, face down. He could feel, the cold marble, so lonely. He felt his heart turn cold the same way the marble was cold. His heart was now stone, empty and hard.
The goateed friend looked pitifully at the bespectacled boy. He knew that what his friend was saying was right. He had to make him feel better.
"Who knows? Maybe this will be it. Maybe they will end it. Maybe -"
"Who are you fooling? I know that whatever I do, whatever I did, will count for nothing tomorrow. I know that he will apologize, she will forgive him, and they will continue living their happy lives. There was this time, when she told me that they were on a break, a cool-off she told me. I was sad for her, but at the same time I was elated. I thought that this might be it. My big break. After I talked with her, I started baking. It was one of those small things I could do well. I baked her a brownie cake, I knew she liked chocolate. I boxed it and went to bed. It was about three in the morning when I finished. I bought a card the following day. We have the same schedule in one of our classes, and I thought I could give it to her then. As I walked along with a smile on my face, I saw her sitting there. Beside her was her boyfriend. And that stinks since I so wanted to give her that cake. I was hurt badly, and I haven't learned a thing from it."
The bespectacled boy was not crying now. He was weeping painfully. His goateed friend could feel tears come to his eyes. The boy continued.
"I've made a couple of years worth of wrong choices."
"My friend, you think you made wrong choices. But in reality, there are no wrong choices. The decisions that you make, when you think, plan, consider, rethink, and execute, could never be wrong. When you are true to what you believe in, when you are true to what you feel, you can never make wrong choices."
The boy looked up. He sat up, wiped his tears, and cleaned his glasses. The goateed friend helped him up.
"Come on. You need to sleep. Not on the floor though. There are other people in this house. It will be better in the morning."
The boy smiled, and looked at his friend.
"No, it won't."
The friend smiled back, patted the boy's back, and looked forward.
"I know."
XOXOXOXOXOXO
by anino25502 [from peyups] Labels: articles
a.o.u.i.e. scribbled this @
8:20 PM
