Thursday, May 18, 2006
Disillusionment
i think i've just been disillusioned a million times over...i hate it every time life reminds me that people are not always what they seem to be, that i can't and shouldn't take things or people at face value. i hate it when something happens and i realize that the people i always thought i can trust with my life are not worthy of my trust in the first place. i hate it when all i want to do is sit in a corner and cry my eyes out, and i can't do so because such an act will merely spawn a million more controversies and uncalled for comments.
unfortunately, i move in a circle where one is condemned for being concerned about having everything the way it should be and damnation welcomes the one who actually voices out concerns, no matter how legitimate they may be. to anyone who ever took offense on anything i got concerned about - i'm sorry. i'm sorry i ever used the brains i was born with and i'm sorry i ever stood by the principles instilled in me by 17 years of catholic education.
i always thought i already had everyone's number, that nothing anyone can do will disillusion me anymore than i already am. but i guess the joke's on me again. apparently, some things are still capable of penetrating the shell i built around myself, that the things i always thought i've already accepted can still make me want to cry and throw whatever i get my hands on. apparently, i still am vulnerable, naive, and idealistic.
it happened in high school, it happened in college, and it's happening again now. history repeats itself, yet again. maybe because i never really learned my lesson in the first place...
XOXOXOXOXOXO
if you're a serpent slithering around my little paradise, please reveal yourself before i get complacent and trusting again - before i retreat into my naive little world again...
Labels: scribblings from me, work-related
a.o.u.i.e. scribbled this @ 12:28 PM
1 Comments
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said @ 5/19/2006 1:35 PM
aou, I know exactly how you're feeling because that is what I'm feeling right now, and even before. I, too, am "idealistic" (if people would like to call it that) but there is nothing wrong for wanting things as they should be, right?
I don't know the whole story. Maybe one time you could tell me. :)
