Monday, March 10, 2008
Conflicted, Drained, and Scared Shitless
There are so many conflicting thoughts and emotions within me that I desperately want to resolve or at the very least share with someone. But I can't resolve anything because their resolution doesn't lie within my hands. And for the life of me, I don't know who I want to talk with regarding everything. I'm usually good at knowing who I want to talk to but at this point, I'm so confused and unsure of things that I can't even determine who I think can give me comfort.I'm physically tired with the long hours I spent in the office last week but I'm even more emotionally drained with the things going on at home and at the office. I can't cry at home like I used to because I have to be strong for my siblings and for my mom and I have to keep my wits at the office because one project after the other is starting and ending. I've never been really good at hiding the surges of emotion that I'm quite prone to having and right now I'm struggling to keep up my facade that's crumbling with every minute I spend sitting at my desk.
I have never been scared about the future and I have never wanted to run away from knowing the truth. Experience after all has taught me that however painful the truth is, it's better to know how things actually are than to keep wondering where things stand. But I'm scared shitless for the coming weeks. I'm scared of how things will eventually turn out at home and I'm scared of how things will get resolved at the office. I crave for stability and consistency even in just one part of my life and the uncertainty I'm faced with in every direction is making it hard for me to deal with what's going on.
XOXOXOXOXOXO
Labels: scribblings from me, work-related
