Friday, December 29, 2006
Of 365 Days and More
A week ago, I was looking forward to my first Christmas break in two years and hating the fact that three days before Christmas I have yet to do any Christmas shopping. A month ago, I was on my last shift in Trend Micro - editing my last VRs, cleaning out my locker, and packing away two years and nine months worth of junk. Exactly a year ago, we were in Mega Mall having dinner and laughing our hearts out watching Ako Legal Wife. I didn't even realize until I was on my way home yesterday that it's already been a year since that night you brought me home and I finally had you read my moving on letter.In the past year, so much has changed in my life. I remember telling you that night, "malay mo this time next year marami ng nagbago, malay mo wala na ko sa Trend by then," and although I had an entirely different scenario in mind when I said that, in effect the same thing still happened. I am no longer with Trend Micro and it is at a much earlier time than I anticipated two months ago. You also started clerkship last April and we haven't seen each other since we went out on Valentine's Day. My world as I've always known it to be has changed, except I am still not over you and I have yet to let go of every what could have been and every what could still be in the past that we shared.
When I got home after we talked, I thought that was it. I thought I'd never see or talk to you again. But then Valentine's Day came along and the life I was rebuilding was shattered yet again. A friend asked me once if I'd still choose to go through everything that happened between us if I knew in the beginning how things would eventually turn out. I thought things over for awhile, going through in my mind every single happy and sad moment I had with and because of you, and I told her I wouldn't change anything. I'd still choose to go through every moment of those four years and I'd still choose to feel every bit of happiness and every bit of pain because with those came the lessons that brought me to where I am now.
The last 365 days were full of changes - some happy, mostly painful. I've changed and grown so much, not just in the past year but ever since that fateful day in September 2002, and I'd like you to know you were a big part of every transformation I went through. Despite everything, thank you. Thank you for the love that though not mine, made me feel special even for just that moment in my life; thank you for the happy memories that never failed to make me smile; thank you for the pain that made me stronger; and most of all, thank you for the truth that made me realize I have a choice. I've always had a choice and four years ago, I chose to love you.
XOXOXOXOXOXO
Labels: scribblings from me
