Friday, September 30, 2005
On Letting Go...
But though I may not have said anything...I loved you with all my heart, and love you still, but I'm tired - I'm tired of fighting for a love that has lived its moment...of living on memories that are special only to me...It's been more than a year since I wrote that, and every time friends would see it in my ym status they'd ask me where I got it. It makes me feel proud that people like and can relate with what I wrote but at the same time it makes me sad to realize that I haven't progressed much since I wrote that. I've long since given up trying to make heads and tails of everything that happened. I can't even properly cry about it anymore like I used to do. It has become a dull ache that refuses to go away, a sadness borne out of unresolved issues with him and with myself.
Last night while waiting for sleep to come, it just hit me how sad I've allowed myself to become, and how tired I am of the situation I put myself into. I did choose to love him even if reciprocation on his part was close to impossible and people around me have given up trying to make me realize that I am better off without him. In spite of all the wise words I hear from friends, I honestly still don't know what to do. Logic tells me to let him go, if just to free myself from the perpetual pain of unrequited love. But what do you do if you know deep inside that he's the only one you want? Do you still let go or do you hold on despite the pain?
I've always been afraid of growing old alone. Now though, I think I'm more afraid of having to settle for someone else because the man I love more than anyone in the world can't love me back.
XOXOXOXOXOXO
Labels: scribblings from me
