Sunday, May 28, 2006
*sigh*
wish you were with me...
XOXOXOXOXOXO
punta fuego - may 25-26, 2006Labels: random ramblings, snapshots
a.o.u.i.e. scribbled this @
1:38 PM
Monday, May 22, 2006
Pasakalye
Well...oh...
Basically...actually...
You know...(I love you!)
XOXOXOXOXOXO
by anonymousLabels: poems
a.o.u.i.e. scribbled this @
6:43 PM
Mr. Holland's Opus
"Mr. Holland had a profound influence on my life and on a lot of lives I know. But I have a feeling that he considers a great part of his own life misspent. Rumor had it he was always working on this symphony of his. And this was going to make him famous, rich, probably both. But Mr. Holland isn't rich and he isn't famous, at least not outside of our little town. So it might be easy for him to think himself a failure. But he would be wrong, because I think that he's achieved a success far beyond riches and fame. Look around you. There is not a life in this room that you have not touched, and each of us is a better person because of you. We are your symphony Mr. Holland. We are the melodies and the notes of your opus. We are the music of your life."
- Gertrude Lang, Mr. Holland's Opus
regardless of how many times i watch this scene, i still get teary-eyed. it must have felt really good to retire and know that you touched a lot of lives in a very significant way.
after last weekend, i remembered why i wanted to be a teacher when i was in high school. i think i might have just fallen in love with teaching all over again...
XOXOXOXOXOXO
Labels: random ramblings
a.o.u.i.e. scribbled this @
9:10 AM
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Disillusionment
i think i've just been disillusioned a million times over...
i hate it every time life reminds me that people are not always what they seem to be, that i can't and shouldn't take things or people at face value. i hate it when something happens and i realize that the people i always thought i can trust with my life are not worthy of my trust in the first place. i hate it when all i want to do is sit in a corner and cry my eyes out, and i can't do so because such an act will merely spawn a million more controversies and uncalled for comments.
unfortunately, i move in a circle where one is condemned for being concerned about having everything the way it should be and damnation welcomes the one who actually voices out concerns, no matter how legitimate they may be. to anyone who ever took offense on anything i got concerned about - i'm sorry. i'm sorry i ever used the brains i was born with and i'm sorry i ever stood by the principles instilled in me by 17 years of catholic education.
i always thought i already had everyone's number, that nothing anyone can do will disillusion me anymore than i already am. but i guess the joke's on me again. apparently, some things are still capable of penetrating the shell i built around myself, that the things i always thought i've already accepted can still make me want to cry and throw whatever i get my hands on. apparently, i still am vulnerable, naive, and idealistic.
it happened in high school, it happened in college, and it's happening again now. history repeats itself, yet again. maybe because i never really learned my lesson in the first place...
XOXOXOXOXOXO
if you're a serpent slithering around my little paradise, please reveal yourself before i get complacent and trusting again - before i retreat into my naive little world again...Labels: scribblings from me, work-related
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Countdown
10 Songs in My Playlist:
1. So Much In Love - Sheena Easton
2. Anything for You - Nina
3. I Need You - Mark Bautista
4. Invisible War - Julia Fordham
5. Could've Been - Tiffany
6. Seasons - Passage
7. True - Ryan Cabrera
8. Somewhere in My Past
9. I Can
10. Ikaw ang Lahat sa Akin (Medley) - Erik Santos
9 Things I Can See:
1. computer screen [with my wallpaper of pictures], keyboard, mouse [and everything else that make up the phrase 'computer terminal']
2. my trend bag [which every person in the office has one exactly like it, and most of them use it as well]
3. trend calendar [found on almost every desk here in the office]
4. comb and mirror
5. ipod
6. candy tin can
7. styrocup of water
8. row of lockers
9. blue pilot sign pen
8 Things I Did Today:
1. chat with friends
2. surf the internet
3. eat
4. work [edit VRs]
5. copy new MP3s
6. listen to MP3s
7. blog
8. listen to episodes of House
7 Movies I Could Watch Endlessly:
1. Sabrina
2. Legally Blond
3. Now That I Have You
4. Little Giants
5. Cutting Edge
6. Bituing Walang Ningning [hahahaha...]
7. My Best Friend's Wedding
6 TV Shows I Could Make A Marathon Out of:
1. House
2. Scrubs
3. Fear Factor
4. Monk
5. Celebrity Poker Tournament [Local and Foreign]
6. Grey's Anatomy
5 Food Items I Can Live on Until The End of Eternity:
1. dried mangoes
2. chocolate
3. mango crepe
4. sinigang
5. fried chicken
4 of the People I Can Tell Everything to:
1. Ophalle
2. Franssen
3. Chris
4. David
3 Things I Can't Live Without:
1. cellphone
2. the computer/internet
3. water
2 People I Can't Live Without:
1. family
2. friends
1 Person I'll Give Up My Life for:
1. loved ones
XOXOXOXOXOXO
this is to fill the void until i finally get the inspiration to write againLabels: lists quizzes and surveys
a.o.u.i.e. scribbled this @
7:52 PM
Friday, May 12, 2006
The Missing Piece
This is a fairy tale for adults. It tells the story of a circle that was missing a piece. A large triangular wedge had been cut out of it.
The circle wanted to be whole with nothing missing, so it went around looking for it's missing piece. But because it was incomplete and therefore could only roll very slowly, it admired the flowers along the way. It chatted with worms. It enjoyed the sunshine. It found lots of different pieces, but none of them fit. So it left them all by the side of the road and continued searching.
Then one day the circle found a piece that fit perfectly. It was so happy. Now it could be whole, with nothing missing. It was incorporated the missing piece into itself and began to roll. Now that it was a perfect circle, it could roll very fast, too fast to notice the flowers or talk to the worms.
When it realized how different the world seemed when it rolled so quickly by, it stopped, left its found piece by the side of the road and rolled slowly away.
Moral of the story
In some strange sense we are more whole when we are missing something. The man who has everything is in some ways a poor man. He will never know what it feels like to yearn, to hope, to nourish his soul with the dream of something better. He will never know the experience of having someone who loves him give him something he has always wanted and never had.
There is a wholeness about the person who has to come to terms with his own limitations, who has been brave enough to let go of his unrealistic dreams and not feel like a failure for doing so. There is a wholeness about the man or woman who has learned that he or she is strong enough to go through a tragedy and survive, who can lose someone and still feel like a complete person. You have been through the worst and come through intact.
Life like a baseball season, where even the best team loses one-third of the games and even the worst has its days of brilliance. Our goal is to win more games than we lose.
When we accept that imperfection is part of human being, and that we can continue rolling through life and appreciating it, we will achieved a wholeness that others can only aspire to.
And at the end, if we are brave enough to love, strong enough to forgive, generous enough to rejoice in another's happiness, and wise enough to know there is enough love to go around for us all, then we can achieve a fulfillment that no other living creature will ever know.
XOXOXOXOXOXO
by anonymous
are you my missing piece? am i better off without you? *sigh* i just wish i knew the answers...anyway, thanks for keeping me sane...Labels: articles, snapshots
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Message in a Bottle
[the reply]
My Darling,
One year has passed since I sat with your father in the kitchen. It is late at night and though the words are coming hard to me, I can't escape the feeling that it's time that I finally answer your question.
Of course I forgive you. I forgive you now, and I forgave you the moment I read your letter. In my heart, I had no other choice. Leaving you once was hard enough; to have done it a second time would have been impossible. I loved you too much to have let you go again. Though I'm still grieving over what might have been, I find myself thankful that you came into my life for even a short period of time. In the beginning, I'd assumed that we were somehow brought together to help you through your time of grief. Yet now, one year later, I've come to believe that it was the other way around. Ironically, I am in the same position you were, the first time we met.
As I write, I am struggling with the ghost of someone I loved and lost. I now understand more fully the difficulties you were going through, and I realize how painful it must have been for you to move on. Sometimes my grief is overwhelming, and even though I understand that we will never see each other again, there is a part of me that wants to hold on to you forever. It would be easy for me to do that because loving someone else might diminish my memories of you. Yet, this is the paradox: Even though I miss you greatly, it's because of you that I don't dread the future.
Because you were able to fall in love with me, you have given me hope, my darling. You taught me that it's possible to move forward in life, no matter how terrible your grief. And in your own way, you've made me believe that true love cannot be denied. Right now, I don't think I'm ready, but this is my choice. Do not blame yourself. Because of you, I am hopeful that there will come a day when my sadness is replaced by something beautiful. Because of you, I have the strength to go on.
I don't know if spirits do indeed roam the world, but even if they do, I will sense your presence everywhere. When I listen to the ocean, it will be your whispers; when I see a dazzling sunset, it will be your image in the sky. You are not gone forever, no matter who comes into my life. You are standing with God, alongside my soul, helping to guide me toward a future that I cannot predict.
This is not a good-bye, my darling, this is a thank-you. Thank you for coming into my life and giving me joy, thank you for loving me and receiving my love in return. Thank you for the memories I will cherish forever. But most of all, thank you for showing me that there will come a time when I can eventually let you go.
I love you, T
XOXOXOXOXOXO
from the movie, Message in a BottleLabels: articles
a.o.u.i.e. scribbled this @
6:40 PM
Message in a Bottle
Dear Theresa,
Can you forgive me?
In a world that I seldom understand, there are winds of destiny that blow when we least expect them. Sometimes they gust with the fury of a hurricane, sometimes they barely fan one's cheek. But the winds cannot be denied, bringing as they often do a future that is impossible to ignore. You, my darling, are the wind that I did not anticipate, the wind that has gusted more strongly than I ever imagined possible. You are my destiny.
I was wrong, so wrong, to ignore what was obvious, and I beg your forgiveness. Like a cautious traveler, I tried to protect myself from the wind and lost my soul instead. I was a fool to ignore my destiny, but even fools have feelings, and I've come to realize that you are the most important thing that I have in this world. I know I am not perfect. I've made more mistakes in the past few months than some make in a lifetime.
I was wrong to have acted as I did when I found the letters, just as I was wrong to hide the truth about what I was going through with respect to my past. When I chased you as you drove down the street and again as I watched you leave from the airport, I knew I should have tried harder to stop you. But most of all, I was wrong to deny what was obvious in my heart: that I can't go on without you.
You were right about everything.
When we sat in my kitchen, I tried to deny the things you were saying, even though I knew they were true. Like a man who gazes only backward on a trip across the country, I ignored what lay ahead. I missed the beauty of a coming sunrise, the wonder of anticipation that makes life worthwhile. It was wrong of me to do that, a product of my confusion, and I wish I had come to understand that sooner. Now, though, with my gaze fixed toward the future, I see your face and hear your voice, certain that this is the path I must follow.
It is my deepest wish that you give me one more chance. As you might have guessed, I'm hoping that this bottle will work its magic, as it did once before, and somehow bring us back together. For the first few days after you left, I wanted to believe that I could go on as I always had. But I couldn't. Every time I watched the sun go down, I thought of you. Every time I walked by the phone, I yearned to call. Even when I went sailing, I could only think of you and the wonderful times we had. I knew in my heart that my life would never be the same again. I wanted you back, more than I imagined possible, yet whenever I conjured you up, I kept hearing your words in our last conversation. No matter how much I loved you, I knew it wasn't going to be possible unless we - both of us - were sure I would devote myself fully to the path that lay ahead. I continued to be troubled by these thoughts until late last night when the answer finally came to me. Hopefully, after I tell you about it, it will mean as much to you as it did to me:
In my dream, I saw myself on the beach with Catherine, in the same spot I took you after our lunch at Hank's. It was bright in the sun, the rays reflecting brilliantly off the sand. As we walked alongside each other, she listened intently as I told her about you, about us, about the wonderful times we shared. Finally, after some hesitation, I admitted that I loved you, but that I felt guilty about it. She said nothing right away but simply kept walking until she finally turned to me and asked, "Why?" "Because of you." Upon hearing my answer, she smiled at me with patient amusement, the way she used to before she died. "Oh, Garrett," she finally said as she gently touched my face, "who do you think it was that brought the bottle to her?"
When I woke, I felt empty and alone. The dream did not comfort me. Rather, it made me ache inside because of what I had done to us, and I began to cry. When I finally pulled myself together, I knew what I had to do. With shaking hand, I wrote two letters: the one you're holding in your hand right now, and one to Catherine, in which I finally said my good-bye. Today, I'm taking Happenstance out to send it to her, as I have with all the others. It will be my last letter - Catherine, in her own way, has told me to go on, and I have chosen to listen. Not only to her words, but also to the leanings of my heart that led me back to you.
Oh, Theresa, I am sorry, so very sorry, that I ever hurt you. I am coming to Boston next week with the hope that you find a way to forgive me. Maybe I'm too late now. I don't know. Theresa, I love you and always will. I am tired of being alone. I see children crying and laughing as they play in the sand, and I realize I want to have children with you. I want to watch Kevin as he grows into a man. I want to hold your hand and see you cry when he finally takes a bride, I want to kiss you when his dreams come true. I will move to Boston if you ask because I cannot go on this way. I am sick and sad without you.
As I sit here in the kitchen, I am praying that you will let me come back to you, this time forever.
Garrett
XOXOXOXOXOXO
from the movie, Message in a BottleLabels: articles
a.o.u.i.e. scribbled this @
4:40 PM
