Aouie's Journal

Saturday, April 09, 2005

Letting Go

My old Humanities II professor used to tell us that wallets are a lot like girls, "Dapat mong ingatan, kasi kung hindi mo iningatan, baka may mangyari." I know what he means. I just lost a wallet, and I just lost a girl. You know, it's the exact same thing.

One day, you just realize it's gone. You try to look for it everywhere, even going back to the places where you could have lost it. You think, and you think hard, only to come upon the grim realization: it's really gone.

Of course, you hold on to some hope. After all, there have been some very, very lucky people who get it back. Perhaps you could become one of those blessed people. You sit home and you hope that someone would call, and that you would get it back. But then, some time passes, and you realize that it's still gone, and you realize that it's time to let go.

The first few days, you turn to your friends for support. Some tell you you'll be okay, some tell you that it was your fault and that you should have been more careful, and some tell you about their own experiences. They give you all sorts of advice, none you haven't heard before.

You then go out to find a new wallet, only to realize that you don't really want a new one. You want the old one that you lost. NO, you don't want all these better-looking wallets, you want yours, because of how comfortable it is, because of all the cards and pictures and other stuff in it.

You go out and carry on without a wallet, keeping your money in your pocket instead. You throw away stuff that you would have held on to if you had your old wallet.

And then, finally, you find a new wallet you like and settle in.

You then start filling your new wallet, little by little. It still doesn't feel as comfortable as the old one, but it's getting there. Then you start putting in cards and pictures and other important stuff in the wallet. Soon enough, there's as much stuff in your new wallet as the old one. And then, after some time, you feel as comfortable with your new wallet. And then you realize that you've almost forgotten you ever had your old wallet. Sure, you still remember most of the stuff you lost in that wallet. But then again, you don't remember the feeling of hurt that you felt when you lost it.

That's because the wallet you lost is no longer your wallet. You're no longer holding on. This new wallet you're holding, it has all the important cards and pictures and stud you need. This is your wallet. And this time, you tell yourself, you're never losing this one.

XOXOXOXOXOXO
by anonymous

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